One day gone, is one chance wasted.

The change won't come so easily. It will be really really tough, I don't know what the future holds. And honestly, I don't know if she will ever open her heart to accept again. But I am determined, above all, to try. Even the slightest of chances is giving the brightest of hopes right now.

Maybe true like she said, I lack plans. I lack organization. I go with the flow too much, and maybe I relied too heavily on her for the plannings before this. That will be something I work on.. and if there's any way I can start my recovery with, it'll be to work on what she said was my weakest point. Planning.

I have a vague one in my mind, like how I should go about and how I can go around doing it. I know my character has to change for good, I know I have to do things that can help to regain her trust. But nothing is concrete for it is a little more complicated than I thought it first was. I should work on it, I do not have much time on my hands. I will need to impress her again, and definitely in other ways that she hasn't seen me in. For all she knows I was actually a decent boyfriend who cheats eventually, and it will stay in her mind for the longest time.. so I have to start impressing on other aspects. 

I will let this day be the first of which I detail my recovery progress. And in recovery, I mean winning her back. All of the sides of me that I am keen to change on, that shall remain between me and Allah. 

Aselle said maybe I should get a diary to jot every single thing down, but I hate my handwriting too much to even start holding a pen. There's no other way, at this point onwards, to let her know and feel how I am actually changing.. so one day, I hope.. the greater power will make her head turn and visit this dead-for-so-long blog to see the details I am filling in. I think she herself have forgotten the address to this blog, but I shall remain optimistic.

I really want and I need to win her back, so I need to start planning and start jotting it down. I've been resting on the laurels for far too long, so here I am with the greatest of determination and the brightest of hopes, to begin again. From being friends, from being a cheater. Everyone will question why would she ever get back with a lying prick who crushed her heart, and on my part I have to say the line of committing a cheat is way too fine and unfortunately I crossed it. At the back of it, she is still the only one I have this very strong love for, she is the future I want to work on and work with, and so I will need to get her back. She's deeply crushed now, but my senses are still tingling that the feelings are not totally wiped off no matter how she tries denying it. Our story is left hanging for now, maybe it's time I work real hard for something I really need. And hopefully she can see the determination eventually. Insyaallah.

One day gone, is one chance wasted.