time. goes. by. so. quickly. quickly.

WHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

it's been a really long time off the road, ain't it?

the seconds ticked off one too many, way too fast..
and boooooooooooooom, here we are three years on.

let it be a good news that i'm back here to brush away the dusts off the cover,
giving a fresh breath of air to this beloved blog - which I have accepted to be dead
over my long absence until now, where i'm hit with a sudden (i really mean, OUT OF THE BLUE) urge to start composing again.
perhaps, maybe perhaps, i've regained that passion and long-gone interest.
but then again, i bet knowing myself way too well that i won't be here for long,
knowing how i have short attention and interest span.
it will be soon before long that i'll have another long three-years hiatus, HAIS.

a thousand and one things have occurred over the years.
for those who have lost touch, i'm currently plying my trade for The All-Greens
after being snatched up by SAF during the November transfer window.
Things have changed much since, especially that i'm beginning to be more wary of
my daily dietary intake and obsession to always take my fitness level a notch higher.
as the story goes, i'm a six-month soldier now.
ain't that bad given that i'm a quarter done, and loving the life as how it is going.
Specialist Cadet School is the place to be, seriously.
for those looking for a half-siong, half-fuck army life.. look no further.

i should be a thankful man.
life has been free-flowing without much predicaments, and all credits to
my beloved sweetheart for sticking by through the hard times.
three years have seen me transit through multiple phases of adulthood,
from rushing through final year assignments in school,
to having a good one-half years rearing dinosaurs at the Lost World,
to spending cold nights 'with my buddy and my rifle and me' in the wilderness.
and all that without much humps and bumos, because she understands me well enough.

so to you, ma'am.
i bet you won't be reading this, at least not for the foreseeable future,
i can't break it down into words just how fortunate i am to have you.
you're among the best things that have happened to me,
and no matter how unfair i've been to you, and many times i've fucked you up..
here you are, still clinging on after four and a half years.
you've been such a blessing, such a delightful godsend.

and yes, i love the present very much.
because such a wonderful gift you are.

for the record, i admit my mistake.
i was a disappointment.
i never thought my ignorance would cause so much hurt.
it did, and it did real bad.
and i'm sincerely sorry to those who have suffered from the consequences.

yes, i cheated.
cheat, was a word i truly underestimated.
cheat, to me, is striking off a romance..
be it flirt, fling, hook-ups - all these while you're attached.
i did none, none of the above.

yeah, yeah.
first crush, maybe that was why.
maybe i gave in too much to her, but i didn't intend all those all along.
i had no feelings, no interest. nothing.
maybe i was too concerned, maybe i was too nice being a friend.
maybe, that was where my fault lies.

whatever i may say, nothing could justify what i believe was right.
cos all that i say now makes no value.
i'm a cheat, and that's what you will always believe in.

sorries no longer work.

i believe you have your views.
and i do have my own stories.
one question lingers in my mind,
and i believe only i could comprehend the answer.

am i cheating when all along i had loved you, and i had not done anything that crosses the border?

if there's ever a place i deserve to be in right now,
it'll be deep down bottom from the face of the earth.
and that is,
even if mother nature is willing to forgive my heartbreaking acts.

away to china; right here waiting.

feeling unnecessarily extraordinarily anxious now.
haven't had any signs of dear today.
no text message, no calls, nothing on msn.
wonder what's up with that.

maybe i shan't worry too much.
but then again, why shouldn't i?
maybe the programmes are keeping her real occupied.
but dear said they should have some time on their own.
and the programmes aren't suppose to tie her down till 11, right?
nothing's making sense.
she's got her own reasons, i know.

been waiting on msn for the past hour, or so.
let's just hope, dear's not gonna let her friends use the comp for so long.
if she does.. again, then what's the point of our initial planned meeting time at 11?
i really want all these to end as immediate as it can.
sick and tired of worrying, and waiting, and getting angered and what not.
it's frustrating, if you wanna know.

away to china; right here waiting.

24 hours on.
my first post of the 10-days tormenting ordeal.
at least the only consolation i could get is.. it's just 9 days away.
i'm not exeggarating any facts, but it's true i've been feeling quite distraught since i left the departure viewing mall.
the feeling it gets, it's as if dear's gonna be away for very long.
but 10 days ain't very short either.
10 days equals to the accumulated number of days she's been away on holidays since we were together.
bad enough, ain't it.

thinking again, that's over one week.
one-third of a month.
and given that we met almost every other day,
10 days is a pretty big deal.

just 24 hours, and i've been worrying so much.
china's china after all.
looking at the imports we've got here,
the impressions i get aren't that good.
which means, i've got lotsa things to worry about especially when dear's at their motherland.

my whole self is like a child trapped in a war.
maybe just no physical damage, or trauma.
but we're seeking one common hope;
anticipating for the agony to end as soon as possible.

d-dover day!

that's my dear for you!



me, with my long sleeves and army backpack. (:

i didn't ask for this shot, but it turned out pretty nice. hehe!

dear unglam shot no. 1. that's her expression of liking something too much. she does that to me, ALWAYS.

dear's unglam shot no.2. i don't know what this was about, but my camera shot's timing not that bad huh.

pretty, ain't it?

that's us. two months away from 2nd year!

an awkward shot. i didn't realise i was covering my *peepee*, until now when i'm writing this very sentence. HAHA!

the plan was unplanned.

in other words, it was a so-last-minute thing.

dearest yearned to return to the old neighbourhood of dover for the longest time possible,

and yesterday was the day we made her wish fulfilled. LOLS.

dearest and i, we had initially planned for a army-open-house-outing with the rest of her classmates.

we were all set to go; i even woke up at 8 for that.

but things didn't go our way.

we had planned for a meet-up at 9.30 @ boon lay interchange.

but when we reached at 9.45, her friends were neither nowhere to be seen, nor had replied her msg.

and so we thought, we would have a change of plans.

dearest wanted to go for a little shopping for travelling stuffs, while i had a task to find new set of sandals, courtesy of my mum's sponsorship. (:

suntec was the place to be, and so we moved from boon lay to jurong east for a direct bus to city hall.

then out of the blue, peiyi called me on the phone.. and asked where we were. LOLS.

i was like, shits man.

and so i told her we had already taken our leave and had a change of plans.

peiyi had so much wanted us to join along; she pleaded 'eh, come back lah..' in her pitiful tone several times. HAHA, how funny.

decided not to return, and so went to suntec!

it was a pretty aimless shopping.

got moisturizer and granola bars from carrefour, and that was the end of our shopping.

the rest of the time, we were just walking and walking.. in a pointless pursuit for sandals. :'(

and thinking that i still have my braziliano praia, decided against buying a new one.

save money huh. (:

had nowhere else to go, nothing else to do.

and so out of nothing, both of us suggested dover!

haha, i was actually excited for the place.

maybe cos i wanted to hear the stories and memories dearest had to share.

from her lifestyle, up till her love encounters there. (: (:

should i share?

haha, no no. it's personal.

only dearest knows what i'm talking about. LOLS.

so yeah, it's been so long since dear had left dover, that she forgot the stop we had to alight at.

and subsequently, missed a stop.

swear to god, the previous stop we missed was like 300 metres away?

stopped at the NUS busstop, and came across lotsa ITE students, among them fauzi and pe'eh.

walked to the opposite side of the road, on this very worn-out concrete pavement.

we were convinced it would lead us to the dover road estate, so we walked on.

just as we wanted to take a turn, we realised the pavement had reached a dead end!

like wth!

and a sight of a huge terrain of grass stared at us.

it was all muddy and wet. eee...

we were both in whites, and were both in covered shoes.

dear wore her new pair, unfortunately for here that is.

walked, walked, walked.

and poooom, we reached the 1980's.

or that was what i first thought! HAHAHA.

to those who have seen dover, you may know what i'm uttering about.

the neighbourhood, the blocks precisely.. looked torn and tainted!

dover was like an island on it's own.

i see no children, i see no mats & minahs.. the life there was slow-paced, much to the contrast of life on the fast lane.

i see pretty much elderly; there wasn't any much life besides the sounds of the tele, and the chatterings of uncles and aunties.

half of the number of shops were closed.

provision shops dominated the terraces of shops which encircled the central market.

we received stares and glares from uncles and foreign workers alike, no thanks to dearest.

too eye-catching, i guess. LOLS.

dover was an old estate with little new breath of life;

apartment blocks were grey; perfectly reflecting the sober yet serene living it offers.

dover suitably resembles the existence of sweet love letters;

fast facing extention in the face of the rapid improvements -

dover lives on as one-of-its-kind in the ever-changing environment in singapore,

while love letters are fast replaced by short-message-services and emails.

undoubtedly old-fashioned, but they are dying.

sad, pretty sad. :(

so well anyway.

dearest should be thankful that she could still visit her much-loved neighbourhood.

i totally envy her.

i have no places to share my childhood memories from,

i saw block 19 demolished to it's very barren patch of land. :(

that was my best house yet, cos it's got two huge halls!

and the thing i loved about it was, the period of time i lived there was so care-free,

unbound by troubles and worries.

everyday was school, eat and play.

books, rice and soccer.

the life was so much the same like the dover mentioned above.

sober, quiet.. yet tranquil.

:'( sob sob.

i've still got west coast to share, the very least.

i lived at block 709 from the time i was 0 month, till i was 5.

i had imprecise memories, apart from shouting my heart out at the window, and getting scolded by my late granddad for playing with scissors.

i've only got photos to share.

although i grew up in teban gardens, my life was all west coast.

i simply lived the past 17 years around the west coast area,

it's too deep in my blood to imagine myself leaving.

i know teban gardens, pandan gardens, clementi and west coast at my fingertips.

i know every single corners, and block around here. LOLS.

it's been a really long post, guess i'll call it a day.

it's 3.58am as i end off this post.

blog again soon, aiye?

nights to all those sound asleep now.

and one thing left for dear,

i love you. (:

my fasting weekend. (:

from left - haslinda (in white), danial, myself and huzaini!

that's my qifa clique. (:

i enjoyed this past saturday really alot. (:

it was the earliest time i left home since the fasting month started.

my day started off with a meet-up with you-know-who, who else... DEAREST!

it had been a while since i saw her, and was looking forward to the meet-up.

the past meetings has really been all about china.

yesterday was no different, as dearest had to shop for necessary travel items.

headed off to jp, watson's precisely.

bought quite a lot of stuffs, like shampoo, toothpaste and disposable.. ehem, undergarments. (:

i was in the mood to shop too; i longed for long sleeves casual top.

combed around jp, but to no avail. :(

and dear, she bought heels too! for presentations and some shits over at china.

really ain't looking to the 14th, for like once in our relationship.

we'd be celebrating our 22th month, but that's the same day dear would be leaving. HAIS.

that'll be like a week from now. wow.

gonna be a torrid period, but i guess i'll just try to be fine.

my qifa peeps planned for a break-fast a few weeks back,

and so we had our meal at zam zam's restaurant somewhere near bussorah street.

initial meeting time was at 6, but waited till 7 for everyone else to come.

and by the maghrib prayer time, we were still strolling to the foodplace.

the funny thing was, mohsin brought A WHOLE BOX of dates along.

that was pretty hilarious; come on, no one ever does that. LOLS.

it was thoughtful though, he had good intentions. (:

i had chicken murtabak which i shared with mohsin.

i didn't know why, but i was already full by my first slice of murtabak.

managed to finish eventually, after much dilly-dallying. HAHA.

went for prayers over at sultan mosque, and unsurprisingly,

only me and again, mohsin were the only ones who prayed. LOLs.

that's my peeps for you.

went to bali lane for.. SHEESHA!

that was like the first time i had those in singapore.

tried a couple times over at johor before, and i have one set of sheesha at home.

we were shunned by several shops initially, cos some of us.. like me, were underaged. HAHA.

managed to settle down at this certain shop, but we had to hang out at the outdoor area.

i was fine with that, as long as i could sheesha and slack. (:

shared stories of our lives, and got to know that

muzzamir's now in RTC, for rioting..

nadiah has a child now, with god-knows-who.

and everyone who were present yesterday smoked, apart from me.

sad, ain't it? to see that your childhood friends are drifting to negative ways.

i'm lucky i know where i stand.

dearest was behaving very well yesterday, and didn't have to quarrel with her at any point of time.

i learnt to be honest, as i told dear every occurences that i experienced yesterday.

i know dearest's a bit bothered, especially when i'm hanging out with a clique that has got my ex-girlfriend in it.

but no worries babe, i know my limits and i know the rights and the wrongs.

love you babe. (:

anyways, i'll be going to the army open house tmr!

last day, and so i'm hoping for very little turnout.

i don't like crowds, seriously man.

gonna go with dearest, and her clique.

looking forward. (:

till tomorrow,

chiaos!