i wonder..

i wonder what it would have been like.

stories of the past make the present we're living today.
that's why i always wonder, how it would all flow
had the chapters been twisted a little differently.

how, had it not been for the chase of an old crush?
i wouldn't even have known you any better.

how, had we not sat across the classroom?
i wouldn't have even noticed you a single bit.

how, had we not been in the same boat, facing relationship crisis?
we wouldn't have even sparked any form of conversation.

how, had i not gone to indonesia over that weekend?
i wouldn't have realised that i actually need you to fill me up.
i wouldn't even have gathered the courage to confess to you.

how, had you not have been brave enough to conquer your nerves on 14th Feb 07?
i wouldn't have the slightest of idea that my feelings have been reciprocated.

how, had it not been for the year-end exams?
we wouldn't have spent that much time together,
and it wouldn't have dawned upon me how badly i need you
to guide me in becoming a better person.

how, had we not been strong-willed enough to fight all fronts,
to overcome all barriers, to persevere through all pain, to last this long?
i wouldn't even want to think how things would have gone.
cos now, the way it is, things are going perfectly well.

to some, four and a half years ain't seem like a long time.
but to us, to both SHILIN and I,
to accept all challenges, to make our point and eventually thrive,
it means a whole lot personally.

and insyaallah, with His guidance and strength,
we'll take it a long way, a long long way into the future.

you know it ain't funny, when i talk about my money.

so much things to do, but so little time.
that, added to the no. 1 problem of being penniless.
not a single cent left, zilch.
military pay ain't sufficient for the time being,
looking at the things i need to attend to.


i've been spending way too much, within short period of time.
and the vicious cycle repeats over and over again,
leaving me with little, or no money at all, towards the final stretch
before the next payday.

but the consolation i can turn to is that i've been saving more
than half of the six-hundred-plus bucks.
and i shall be thankful to the two forces
which persistently provide me the drive to
consistently add on to my bank accounts.


one pleasant news i'd proudly like to share
is that SHILIN and ME have opened a joint-independent savings account!
how delighted i am that we are working towards our future,
a welcomed news especially when we've come this far
and certainly need a new direction to work towards.
i'll play my part, though i know it's just a minor percentage as compared
to her contribution.

pay rise in the coming month, up rank!
hopefully i'll form a better finance structure by then,
save more, spend more!
perhaps that's the problem with human nature.
wanting to much while having too little.

time. goes. by. so. quickly. quickly.

WHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

it's been a really long time off the road, ain't it?

the seconds ticked off one too many, way too fast..
and boooooooooooooom, here we are three years on.

let it be a good news that i'm back here to brush away the dusts off the cover,
giving a fresh breath of air to this beloved blog - which I have accepted to be dead
over my long absence until now, where i'm hit with a sudden (i really mean, OUT OF THE BLUE) urge to start composing again.
perhaps, maybe perhaps, i've regained that passion and long-gone interest.
but then again, i bet knowing myself way too well that i won't be here for long,
knowing how i have short attention and interest span.
it will be soon before long that i'll have another long three-years hiatus, HAIS.

a thousand and one things have occurred over the years.
for those who have lost touch, i'm currently plying my trade for The All-Greens
after being snatched up by SAF during the November transfer window.
Things have changed much since, especially that i'm beginning to be more wary of
my daily dietary intake and obsession to always take my fitness level a notch higher.
as the story goes, i'm a six-month soldier now.
ain't that bad given that i'm a quarter done, and loving the life as how it is going.
Specialist Cadet School is the place to be, seriously.
for those looking for a half-siong, half-fuck army life.. look no further.

i should be a thankful man.
life has been free-flowing without much predicaments, and all credits to
my beloved sweetheart for sticking by through the hard times.
three years have seen me transit through multiple phases of adulthood,
from rushing through final year assignments in school,
to having a good one-half years rearing dinosaurs at the Lost World,
to spending cold nights 'with my buddy and my rifle and me' in the wilderness.
and all that without much humps and bumos, because she understands me well enough.

so to you, ma'am.
i bet you won't be reading this, at least not for the foreseeable future,
i can't break it down into words just how fortunate i am to have you.
you're among the best things that have happened to me,
and no matter how unfair i've been to you, and many times i've fucked you up..
here you are, still clinging on after four and a half years.
you've been such a blessing, such a delightful godsend.

and yes, i love the present very much.
because such a wonderful gift you are.